Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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