batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
