So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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