I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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