Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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