So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
