I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
