Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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