I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize