my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
