Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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