its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
