Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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