This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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