Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
