can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
