I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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