capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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