The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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