But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
