Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
