you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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