So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
