i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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