I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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