Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Even my vagina gasped.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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