I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize