Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
