Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
