you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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