Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
