i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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