Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
