i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
