Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just want to make out with him forever
We are all done wearing pants today
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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