So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Is Oprah even human
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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