So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
