I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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