I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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