You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
