How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
