escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
