Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
