It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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