"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
