I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
