I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
