she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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