Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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