You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
