Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
