i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
