I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
