Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
