people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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