He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
