Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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