I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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