Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
