Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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