Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
