glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
