Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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