Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
