I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
