Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
