Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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