you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
