his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
