We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize