I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
