I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
