oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
